Tweekers, I must discuss a serious issue with you all. It’s called your scent. By “your scent” I don’t mean YOU, YOU. I mean “you” as in the general population. I’m not saying that you smell bad, or that you smell at all. You see what I’m trying to get at is that your scent matters.

Let’s get real here, no one likes someone who smells like the trash that’s been sitting in the dumpster on the hottest of summer days in the middle of rural Arizona. We’ve all been in that awkward position where we must decide if it’s socially acceptable to spray some kind of pleasant body spray on a stranger who is making your eyes water and making children cry. On the one hand the stranger may be offended, on the other hand you may be doing mankind a favor. AND then on the other hand that you mutantly grew there’s the sad realization that by spraying down the ogre of smells, you just added to the smell so now it smells like a rotting turtle corpse with a dash of body spray and a hint of lime.

Now, you may encounter those people who say that you should have a bevy of odors to choose from, and while in theory this might seem like a good idea I consider it to be stupid. My stance on this matter is that as guy you should have a memorable scent.

My collection of cologne never exceeds more than three scents. Now you may be asking “Waffy why you so selective?” and to you my dear reader I say “Shut up and let me finish!”

First of all I believe in leaving behind something to remember you by. I’m not telling you to lather yourself in cologne and turn into that moron who stinks up the place. I’m saying that if you have the right scent, there will be a certain smell to you. I’m pretty sure I’m not lying when I say that scent is the number one memory trigger. It’s psychology. Or I may be lying about that. Whatever. Anyway whenever someone smells that scent they will be reminded of you. Now whether that memory is good or bad really depends on how big a tool you are.

Moving on, I picked the number three because

A)   I felt like it, this is my post so I’ll do what I well please

2.) It seemed like a good number at the time

d.) I really meant to say two. Just two scents.

Two scents because I usually have a “daily” scent, which is what I wear everyday during the day. Then I have a “night” scent, which is reserved for when I go out. As fitting my “daily” scent is a lighter scent than my “night” scent. I tend to wear lighter scents because I feel that they’re more approachable (even though I hate being approachable) but you should always wear one that suits you best. Stay away from scents that are too strong on the nose, as those tend to be really annoying for those around you.

Remember the key here is to be memorable, not protruding with scent. I spray my neck, once on the chest, and once on a wrist then rub with the other. This creates a great equilibrium of smell. Never has anyone complained that I’m wearing too strong a cologne. Many times I’m asked what I’m wearing, but you should never reveal the exact scent that you chose for the day. It leaves an air of mystery. Or pretentiousness. Whatever.

Hope this helped make your life a tad less peasantly. And yes I am aware that I keep using words that are not found in the English lexicon. I don’t care, it’s my ppst and I’ll make things up if I want to.

WHO RUN THE WORLD THIS POST?

ME!

That is all.